It all began in the pub. I was out with friends when a former partner of mine asked to have a private conversation. He'd been having health issues and they thought he might have lymphoma so I was immediately nervous of what he might have to say.
Asking whether it was good or bad, he said bad and my heart sank. But what he said next I'd never even considered. He had syphilis. Moreover, although we were no longer together, we'd hooked up recently and even though it was had only been oral, I'd need to get tested as I might have it as well.
Hearing I might have syphilis hit me hard. I didn't even realise syphilis was something I could get from oral sex. I didn't know what to do or how to react. By the next day I was completely panicking.
I'm a bi man but I'm but I'm only out to a few people and not my parents who I live with. I couldn't possibly tell my parents and I was terrified that if I were diagnosed and it was serious that I'd have to explain to them somehow.
Instead, I contacted the 2 friends I trust the most to ask for help: one for advice on what to do and where to go, and the other to come with me to the sexual health clinic.
I had never been to the sexual health clinic and I was nervous. I didn't want anyone to know anything about what I considered my private business.
Upon entering, I spoke to the receptionist but I didn't understand any of what she was asking me. I must have looked confused, stuttering back "I... Erm... Ah". Kindly, she stopped me and took the time to explain what she was asking, which I was grateful for because I feel like it saved me from further embarrassment. Informed, I sat down to answer the questionnaire she had given.
Even answering the questions I found hard. I didn't want anyone else to know my private life, especially my sexuality. But my friend held my hand and she told me that I had to be honest, otherwise I'll never get the help I really need. She reassured me that they're really nice; they understand and they don't judge.
I returned the form and after a short wait, they called me in. The nurse sat me down and asked what she called "weird and wonderful questions". At first I felt embarrassed admitting about having sexual relations with a same sex partner, but she was really friendly and I even felt comfortable to jokingly ask her "Have you had many weird and wonderful answers?".
Feeling more comfortable, the nurse then explained that based on my answers, I'd need to provide a urine sample, a swab test and take a blood sample. The urine samples was easy enough; the cotton swab didn't taste very nice and I've never been a fan of needles. But the pain and what I thought was embarrassment was now over; I just had to wait a week for the results.
My result came back negative which was a huge relief and my ex partner is now receiving treatment. But I'm glad I tested. Throughout the whole experience, everyone was super kind, caring and extremely supportive. Everything was private and confidential and it felt like any other trip to a GP appointment.
To anyone reading this, I'd encourage them to test regularly if sexually active. Although I was incredibly nervous and I found it difficult to talk about my sexuality to a stranger, it's something I'm glad I did and I'm proud to have done.
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